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Donnerstag, September 30


Fact: Kids suck

A drunk man's penis is about as useful as a vote for Nader.

Mittwoch, September 29

Dick move of the day:
Walk on the left side of the sidewalk.

Sometimes you just pretend to like someone for the sake of the group that you hang out with. For example, that kid back home, what's his name, Pinto. I never liked that kid.

During my Calculus 2 class over the summer, I met a good amount of people that I disliked and a few I despised. I recall going in to take the midterm, and walking in with me at the same time was a kid with a backwards flat brim hat on and a few gaudy silver necklaces. I remember thinking to myself, "that kid is not going to pass the midterm." True, I was stereotyping and judging without any 'real' knowledge of the guy. Next class we got the tests back, and after class I heard him talking very loudly on his nextel about how he got a 35 on the test. It sounded like he might have been bragging.

Dienstag, September 28

The other day at dinner I actually got food caught in my beard. I haven't felt like such a man since my mom told me I could use the big potty.

My favorite death to mentally inflict upon people is death by the Jedi Force Grip. (It's the thing Darth Vader uses to choke people with.) If it's a really good one, I'll put it on replay and just totally space out in class.

"When I alone in the house I pretend I Elvis Presley!"

When I see a big van or SUV with a handicapped tag, I look to see if the driver is fat. They are.

I make up friends in order to seem more diverse. I actually don't know any lesbians, Puerto Ricans or muslims. I don't know why I claim to have Puerto Rican friends... I'm in fucking Australia.

Truly unique people never change their font.

Ice cream is the closest thing I have to a religion.

Montag, September 27

Dick move of the day:
Make appointments for the 31st of September.

I wish that my mom could grade all the papers I write, because she always thinks that everything I do is phenomenal even if it is sometimes sub-phenomenal.

Movie: Miner's Massacre
Tagline: They "axed" for it.

Movie: Gay Niggers from Outer Space
Tagline: The gay nigger movie to end all gay nigger movies.

I consider myself a fairly tolerant person. I tolerate the necessary interactions with other people that is required in my life, 95% of which I would rather avoid. I don't ask for much in return, just a vanilla butterfinger caramel parfait once or twice a week. I live directly above 'The Grille' which not only makes a vanilla butterfinger caramel parfait, but has a delicious looking picture of it floating on the wall, tantalizing my senses. I have had direct access to the Grille for nearly a month, and despite this fact I have yet to have ONE VANILLA BUTTERFINGER CARAMEL PARFAIT. First week they didn't have caramel, next week they didn't have butterfinger, last week they had neither caramel nor butterfinger or caramel, and today THEY ONLY HAD CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NAZI GERMANY I JUST WANT MY GODDAMN PARFAIT THE WAY IT IS BEAUTIFULLY PORTRAYED NO SUBSTITUTIONS NO COMPROMISES JUST A GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKINGFANTASTIC VANILLA BUTTERFINGER CARAMEL PARFAIT. I HAVE AN UGLY FUCKING BEARD I PLAY SQUASH MY GIRLFRIEND IS IN GERMANY AND I AM CURRENTLY MAJORING IN MATHEMATICS.

I really, really, really, need that parfait. Ok?

Is there sex after death?


I'm sorry, I had to post this. The girl is wearing MAGIC CARDS PEOPLE!

Sonntag, September 26

Once you pop, the fun never stops!
One of all, who ever thought a website all about pringles would be useful in any way shape or form, and two of all, why did I just spend an hour surfing it

"There is a growing body of research work and writing on lesbian sex and with it much debate over the control women have over their sexual lives in a society still seen to be patriarchal, the fluidity of female sexuality, the redefinition of female sexual pleasure, and the debunking of old stereotypes (such as 'lesbian bed death'). 'Lesbian Bed Death' is a phrase that has been in use within the lesbian community for many decades, to describe the lack of sexual passion in a long term relationship between two women. While it is a phrase that is often used in a joking manner between lesbians (and others) there have also been sexologists using the term. Sex researcher Pepper Schwartz published findings indicating that lesbian couples have less sex than couples of any other sexual orientation. However, her findings have been criticised by many; it is argued that this can happen to any long term relationship whether heterosexual or not. Within part of the lesbian community, the phenomenon is usually rejected and is the subject of humour. Some lesbians who do accept diminishing sexual passion consider it to be an inevitable part of any long-term lesbian relationship. Many lesbian couples however, do enjoy a fulfilling sex life."


Here is an example of a Crazy Asian, or as I like to call them, Crasians.

Is it just me, or is your birthday awkward? My birthdays have always been awkward, so I never look foward to having them. It's always the same thing, over and over, and after awhile you're just going through the motions. Every year, my dad always orders me a stripper for my birthday and ends up sleeping with her himself. I wish for my next birthday that he'd just get me some pogs or something, but he'll probably rent out Princess again.

I cannot stop eating sweet things although I know it is not healthy for my body and for my soul. I feel so inferior because of the cannot stop eating all the chocolates ...

How to be a dick today:
Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

Freitag, September 24

Your mouth made an offer that your body cannot veto
No woman can resist a man who looks good in a speedo

You know all those guys who walk around campus with their shirts off? Whenever I see one of these guys, I always want to walk past them with no pants on. They go to the gym, work out, and use their inner anger to sculpt their bodies, I get it. If they get to show off their pecks and abs, why don't I get to flaunt my gargantuan penis?

Did you know Hellen Keller had a dollhouse in her backyard...?


Neither did she.

My new homepage

So we're at the bar last night. We got there a little early, so by the time everyone else showed up we were fuckin wasted. I decided that I wanted to listen to some Billy Joel, or maybe even some Billy Idol. I head over to the jukebox and this guy is choosing his songs, but taking forever. So I say to him, "Hey Jukebox HERO, could you save the world a little faster?" To which he responded with, "What?" His retort left me so completely stunned that I actually urinated all over myself right there in front of the jukebox. I later ran home by myself, reeking of urine.

A really good idea for an alcoholic beverage name from my friend Phil:
"The Rabid Racoon"

I picture foam on top, maybe a black and white layered body, and a few of them reduce you to a blithering idiot.


Daniel Cunningham (left) and Father Bouchard (right), Grouard, Alberta, 1986

Daniel was born in Grouard and went to school in Joussard. He was an Oblate brother for 3 1/2 years before entering the RCAF in 1943.
Father Albert Bouchard O.M.I. was born in Elie, Manitoba. He joined the Oblates in 1939 and was ordained in Lebret, Saskatchewan in 1945. He retired in 1980.

"The Courage to Be in Women's Clothing"
-By Dan Cunningham

(my book in progress, I'm hoping it'll hit shelves in time for Christmas)

FIND JESUS TODAY! MAKE GOOGLE YOUR HOMEPAGE!

Since the film "Slumber Party Massacre" is roughly 72 minutes long, I've begun using it as a measurement of time. If I'm going over a friends house in a bit, I'll tell him I'll be there in 1 and a half Slumber Party Massacres. If we're making dinner plans, I'll ask if I should meet the person in 5 or 6 Slumber Party Massacres. No one ever has any idea what the fuck I'm talking about.

For me, the desire to attempt swallowing a sword has been increasing exponentially ever since my visit to the circus when I was 8 years old. By the time I'm 30, no doubt this desire will become irrespressible, and come hell or high water I will attempt said feat.

Contrary to popular belief, the Bank of New York does not actually have any branches in New York City.

Donnerstag, September 23

How to be a dick today:
Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Digger - I Want My Hat Back

I don't wanna talk to you.
You don't seem to understand that.
Don't come around my house unless you've got my hat.
It's gonna be that simple.
I want my hat back.
The one with the furry thing on top.
I want the red one.
The one that you kept in your closet.
I want my hat back cause I got a stupid haircut.
I want my hat back so bad from you.
I want it back I don't wanna be your friend.
You don't seem to understand that.
How can you look me in the face when you know you've got my hat.
I know I've got a lot of hats,
but that's my favorite one.
Silly girl,
silly girl,
give it back.
That's my favorite hat.

If you ever meet a woman like this, marry her on the spot.

Then the servant came and set fire to the tree. It blazed brightly and sighed deeply, thinking of its happy past and how foolish it had been. Each sigh was like a little shot. And then the tree was burned to ashes.

2004-2005 Varsity Squash Schedule

Coach: Bob Hawthorn ‘53
Captain: Capt. Mike Brigoli ‘06

Fri/Sun Nov 12th-14th Navy R.R. Away

Wed Dec 1st Columbia Away 4:00 PM

Fri 3rd Bard Away 6:00 PM

Fri Jan 28th Conn. College Away 5:00 PM

Sat 29th Tufts Away 10:00 AM
29th M.I.T. Away 2:00 PM

Sat Feb 5th Colombia Home 11:00 AM
Feb 5th Bard Home 1:00 PM

Sat 12th Haverford Away 11:00 AM
12th Penn State Away 1:00 PM

Wed 16th Vassar Away 5:30 PM

Fri-Sun February 25th-27th National at Harvard

Mittwoch, September 22

This is Paulie, and I don't believe I've ever seen him sober. Rate him as you will.

Hey people who put their room number or cell phones in their profile:
Why?
Anyone who would visit/call probably is aware of the info or has the sense to ask you for it.

I'm pretty sure that if I just show up/call you, you will be surprised/weirded out. Since your profile is open to the general public, you're the idiot, not me. Take it out of your profile if your intention is not for near strangers to contact you.

Today my math teacher, while writing on the chalk board, made a horrible scratching noise. He then asked the class for some 'chalk oil,' which was a rather stupid but harmless joke. No one laughed, but after a few seconds a girl asked 'who carries chalk oil, anyway?' Then the whole class laughed, because the girl believed that the product 'chalk oil' actually exists. Stupid people are a constant source of entertainment.

Ambiguity is always present, whereas chalk is not.

Dienstag, September 21

Q: How many blacks does it take to clean a toilet?
A: None, it's a woman's job.

My friend Greg is in the army, and sometimes they throw these Navy/Army/Airforce mixer things. He's at one of these parties and he goes to take a whiz in the bathroom. He pisses next to this guy and then starts to walk out without washing his hands. This guy yells at Greg, "Ya know in the Navy they teach us to wash our hands after we piss." To which Greg responds, "Well in the Army they teach us not to piss on our hands." Hilarious.


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Note to self: Make Beach Boys cd.

Dick move of the day:
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Have I mentioned today how much I like having my own bathroom? Is my blog getting redundant, relaying different versions of the same uninteresting story? Oh well, like I said, it has a sink and a toilet and a couple of pubes that we haven't cleaned off the seat yet, it's really great. Yes, very good.

"She's kinda cute. Let her touch your penis. "

There are two kinds of people:
1) people who like the band Styx
2) gay people

Favorite thing about the dorms this year would have to be the bathrooms. Seriously, having our own bathroom is just fan-fucking-tastic. Last year in Martyrs we had group showers, and all the football jocks used to whip towels at us and degrade us because of the vulnerable situation. Then my RA, Pat Suave, used to always try to give us nude back rubs. I'm so much happier now that I can just shower with me and Ross, it's so much more relaxing.

I'm so glad to finally have my own bathroom in my dorm. It really used to be a hassle to shower, brush your teeth, etc. Seriously, now with the shower right here I am on an almost daily shower schedule, and my skin is beginning to clear up. But it does mean that if someone leaves a floater in the toilet, there isn't as big of a mystery as to who left it. That's right, I'm looking at you Ross!

Q: Why don't blacks like blowjobs?
A: They don't like any jobs.

This is your left,
that's your left.
This is your left,
that's your left.

This is your right,
that's your right.
This is your right,
you're gonna die.

Samstag, September 18

My math teacher said to us today, "Dan broke my little girls heart. I don't know who he is, where he lives, or what he looks like, but now everytime I meet a Dan I just pretend that they are the one." One of the other Dans in the class (there are 4 of us, mind you) said "Hey, what was her name again?"

There are better sources of protein than the hair on the back of your arm but man, mmmmmmmm!

Freitag, September 17

XMeX
My name is Adam...I'm 13. I have two personlaity's. One is moody and deppressed all the time, and the other is happy and cheerful...I'm usually the first one...I can go from one to the other in no time though...so BEWARE!!!! XD

XLovesX
Skateboarding, Any punk, Linkin park, People who don't judge, Talking on MSN, Having days off school, Deodarant

XHatesX
Pop-Punk, Pop, R&B, Hip-Hop, People who judge, Bmx's, Rollerblader's, Hippys

Meh, Yesterday was really fucked up and shitty...I was bored all day and Lois came back from holiday..woo!
I went to skatepark to cause she was there with stu, emma and sarah.
We just kinda hung out and stuff...Then some people on bmx's came up and smoked and talked to the girls..
Then it started to rain a bit so me and stu went to get money on the bikes, But on the way to his house the people on bmx's jumped me from behind...and i was on the floor and they kicked me and punched me and stuff, They hit me with my skateboard as well...I was cryin kinda and i felt like such a pussy...i wanted a hug from lois :( after that we went to town, We were ment to meet sarah lois and emmah but we got bored and went into this thingy called the red planet...it be cool..
I'm still pissed abotu gettin my ass kicked in front of lois though, I'd be ok if she wasn't there when it happened...She says im not a pussy but she's probably lying..

Donnerstag, September 16

I often like to have a pair of binoculars hanging around my neck. If someone I do not like begins speaking to me, I simply bring up the binoculars point them directly into their face and shout, "Ahoy Captain! Deuchebag off the starboard bow!"

Loser move of the day:
Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

If I was a betting man, I'd wager that you're not blind.


Well, that's just about the creepiest thing I've ever seen.

I love pot. Pot is so great. Pot makes me feel good about myself. Pot tells me, "Hey Dan, you're great just the way you are." Pot makes me believe in myself, and lets me do things I normally can't do. I can talk to girls with pot, I can write really good papers with pot, I can fly with pot, I can shoot myself in the head and not get hurt, and you know why? Pot. I love pot. My parents tell me I can't/shouldn't do such things, and it brings me down. But pot, pot brings me up. Yay for pot!

I tell you, if you had been me, you would have done it too.

If I was married and my wife started "hanging out" with Ben Affleck, I'd be really worried that she might star in his next crappy movie or something.

If you maintain an erection for over 4 hours, you should consult your physician and/or be in the porno industry.

The only thing better than Angelina Jolie is Angelina Jolie with an eyepatch.

Mittwoch, September 15

I hate being tall on rainy days. Everyone's umbrellas are exactly on my eye level, and shorter people are too focused on not getting wet and less on not poking me in the eye.

Dienstag, September 14


"Mullets - one of those haircuts in which the hair is short on the top, sides and in front but long in the back. Mullets are commonly worn by professional wrestlers, country music singers and fans, rednecks, and were commonly worn by musicians during the early 80s. The psychology underlying the mullet seems to be a desire to rebel coupled with a desire to appear fully masculine. The lack of commitment implicit in this compromise is precisely what makes the mullet such an obvious target of ridicule. Paradoxically, mullets have also caught on with some women, particularly redneck wenches and lower-class lesbians."

Living with genital herpes can be a hassle.

Honey, I want you to know how much I value what you have to say.

How to be a scumbag:
Don't shave for extended periods of time.*

*Note: this only applies to men. If for a woman, change title to "How to be disgusting." This isn't Europe ladies.

Every elevator, in every building, should not stop on the second floor. It would save time for the people who live on high floors and actually deserve the elevator. If you are taking the elevator to and from the second floor, you should be locked inside of a 99 cent store with infinite 75+ year old Jewish women complaining about the prices. Fuck you.

This summer I learned that although you may not see someone that often, or even talk to them that much, it doesn't mean that they can't be one of your best friends. I have an 8 inch penis.

Montag, September 13

How to be annoying:
Ask people what gender they are.

In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog...When my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out...But the worst thing I ever done -- I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaa -- and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.

Sonntag, September 12

"Reporter: Now, you claim that not only did you see a Yeti, but he was wearing a business suit and carrying an attache case.
Man: A leather attache case."

It's kind of odd that UPN is an acronym for "The Black Channel."

...and my heart breaks again.

I just found out what a blowjob is last week. Disgusting.

Everyone, you should be very proud. I, Dan Cunningham, am on a diet. "The Water Diet." If you have one glass of water a day, you're allowed to eat whatever you want. While not proven to reduce your physical weight, it does wonders for your mental health.

Samstag, September 11

Cutsman - By Horse the Band
(This is a hardcore song about Cutman, from Mega Man)

THAT LITTLE BASTARD, with his tricks and vile forms of play hacking shaving slicing mutillating all that will yield before him or that gets in his way. LITTLE ANDROID MAN HALF THE SIZE THAT I AM SCISSORS ON HIS HEAD SCCCIIISSSOOORRRRSSSSS ON HIS FUCKING HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Little android man-born without a soul without that force of reason- the scissors took control. Little android man- born without a heart if he's in your vicinity he'll cut you apart! Here he comes there's no line it's just a game Don't look back he's right behind and here's my piece of mind. (cut cut cutcut cut cut cutcut) little android man, born without a soul without the voice of reason the scissors took control! little android man, born without a heart anything around him he'll simply tear apart. robotic retard counts his fingers 1 2 3 4 LITTLE ANDROID MAN NEVER- NEVER - NEVER TRUST A LITTLE ANDROID MAN HE'LL CUT CUT CUT CUT


120 lbs? Sure, and that's your real nose too.

Cornfed - Easy Duckman, I know over two hundered ways to kill a man.
Sherry - You could glue an open jar of rats to his face, then blow
torch the other side of the jar so the rats have to eat
their way out through his face.
Cornfed - Two hundered one

Freitag, September 10

My neighbors often mistakenly believe I am having sex, when in fact I am merely shampooing my hair.

Interesting how the need for substance in an unexamined life often times leads to gulibility.

If someone gets me moustache wax, I will use it.

Hey um apparently the last two pics arent showing up. If you right click on the tripod thing and go to properties, it gives you the website that you can copy and paste. Apparently once you see it like this, it'll show up in my blog. Sorry for the inconvenience, going to try and avoid that in the future.

How to be a jerk:
Chew on pens you've borrowed.

Donnerstag, September 9

"If my Dad says, "Mmmm, pussy!" chances are he's probably talking about eating the cat."


George W. Cunningham, D.T. Cunningham, sons of Daniel Cunningham - 1930s

Well, OF COURSE I'm not pleased by the news, but it does explain my gargantuan penis.

Whats the differnce between an Irish Man and a Tree?
The Tree doesn't go home drunk and beat his wife.

Let's face it, you just can't have manslaughter without laughter.

HAHAHA.

....

Mittwoch, September 8

Unknown to most people, the original title of Beethoven's 9th symphony was to be "Kill the Poor," but the censors wouldn't allow it.

Q: Where do you find a dog with no legs?
A: Right where you left it.

When I was only about 8 years old - a lad from my class in school showed up one day with a james bond watch that played the theme from the films when the alarm went off. it goes without saying of course that this was THE coolest thing anyone had ever brought into school before - even the teachers were impressed! (my school needless to say wasn't filled with the richest of children).

Anyways, having all got changed for PE (physical exercise), everyone was in the hall running around etc. when in passing the room with all the bags in as i returned from the toilet - I saw the watch!........

YES I took it, YES the teacher kept everyone back until whoever took it owned up, YES we were there for nearly an hour, YES the headteacher got involved, and YES the kid whose watch it was is now one of my closest friends......... YES I still have it.

I hate abortions and people who have them. Vehemently. But if I were pregnant I'd definitely have one. I'm such a hypocrite.

Deuchebag move of the day:
Ask those girls who probably come from a family richer than God if they are aware that their jeans are ripped, and inform them that maybe they should think about buying a "brand new" pair.

The first thing you must decide, when planning a birthday party for a two-year-old, is; Should you invite the two-year-old? Because a child that age can put a real damper on a party. And probably your child doesn't really understand that he or she is turning two. One of the best things about small children is that they have no clue how time works. My daughter believes that everything that has ever happened, including her birth and the formation of the solar system, occurred "yesterday."
-Dave Barry

Dienstag, September 7

Hey Vegan,
CUT YOUR DAMN HAIR.


Today's jackass would do this:
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

You know you're a Republican when...

You think 'proletariat' is a type of cheese.
You've named your kids 'Deduction one' and 'Deduction two'
You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
You've ever referred to someone as 'my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend'
You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You think Huey Newton is a cookie.
The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.
You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

You know you're a democrat when...
1. You think a mother has a right to kill an innocent 5 month fetus because her pregnancy would interfere with her career, but feel we shouldn't put to death the man who raped and murdered 14 women.
2.You believe that a few hundred loggers can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
3.You never told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash
can" because he chooses to do so
4.You agree that all the world's problems can be traced back to
white Anglo-Saxon men taking advantage of others.

Vote Democrat... it's easier than getting a job

Montag, September 6

I only have one poster on my wall. It's a poster of Vin Diesel. Not xXx, or Chronicles of Riddick. Just a picture of him with the words Vin Diesel. Why? Because I'm gay. I'm gay and Vin Diesel is hot.

Contrary to popular belief, drinking is much better than not drinkning.

Well I'll tell you one thing, this is the last weekend I ever wear a bikini during my period.

Let me break this down for you. There are hot black girls. They'd be hotter if they were white. There are girls who look good with short hair. They'd look better with long hair. There are girls who are fun to hang out with. They'd be more fun if they were guys.

Sonntag, September 5


I'm not a fan of the turning off the thing that lets people see if you're idle on your buddy list. It's just annoying. I understand people use it to avoid talking to people, which I am a huge fan of. I just think it's a way of pussy-footing around it though. If you don't want to talk to someone who IM's you, don't respond. Wimp.

It's like my Dad always used to say, "The only thing worse than a fat chick is a fat chick with fat friends."

Today when I was leaving for the caf, there was a chinese guy with a bag of food coming down my hall. The chinese food delivery guy is the only one who is allowed to go past Fordham Security apparently. White, black, Muslim or Jew all must wait, but if a Chinese guy has a bag no one ever stops him. God forbid someone suspects an Asian of less than heavenly motives.

Anyways, he was going down putting fliers underneath everyone's doors. That's cool with me, I am personally a fan of chinese take in. (You?! No way Dan, you're such a health nut.) But then there was another Chinese delivery food guy coming down the other way, and my first thought was that one of the Sing-Cho Kitchens or whatever was doubleteaming the building, but it turned out they were from opposing companies! When they passed, one of the dudes engaged the other one in Asian jargon and shook his hand. However, once the other guy left, he went back and started grabbing the guy's fliers. It was one of the funniest things I've seen recently. I think I might order Chinese tonight to celebrate the little man's victory.

Today's annoying tactic:
Refuse to refer to Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen as anything other than "That girl Michelle from Full House." Emphasize the singular.

Think you're good at tetris? You're not.

Samstag, September 4


VHS Video -
Scooterz: Basics and Beyond

Scooterz throws you right into the hottest scooter action found on the streets today. Shot entirely in Southern California where the scooter craze began, Scooterz takes you on a kick-boarding thrill ride with a race through the streets, basic to advanced tricks, scooter lake jumping and more.

Be part of the coolest sport to hit the street with two wheels. Scooterz will blow you away with the most cutting edge tricks and styles demonstrated by sponsored scooter pro riders like John Wilkening, Ali Kermani, Kevin Keehl, Toby Butterworth, Willie Handy and Tim Patmont.
All the activities shown are extremely dangerous and should not be attempted without proper safety gear, including helmets, and supervision. The producers and distributors of this video take no responsibility for your actions.

Music by:
The Impossibles, The Stereo, Jolt 45
Approximate Running Time:
28 Minutes - In Color

I made friends with a chick at McDonalds so that I could get free food from her. She thinks I like her but I just want free food.

I never met a suburban white male who didn't enjoy a little bigotry now and again.

Freitag, September 3

Be good to your bowels, and they will be good to you.

Donnerstag, September 2

Q: What's red, orange, and looks good on hippies?

A: Fire

Mittwoch, September 1

Porno of the summer:
Edward Penis Hands
Starring Depp Johnson

I've got a small friend who has a fat friend who had a big friend who gave birth to many friends.

FunkMasterChewy: so my box was starting to break down i brought back and they gave me a new one plus fifty bucks because its only 150 now
FunkMasterChewy: so i picked up a free copy of ninja gaiden
TheyCallMeCun: how is that?
FunkMasterChewy: because when my friend bought it orginally from bestbuy he paid two hundred for it
FunkMasterChewy: because he bought it a while ago
TheyCallMeCun: no i meant ninja gaiden
FunkMasterChewy: oh i used the fifty dollars they gave back to me to get it
TheyCallMeCun: no i mean how is ninja gaiden
FunkMasterChewy: oh
FunkMasterChewy: really good

I vow to not shave this semester at least until after my squash picture. Considering that my facial hair looks like something a 4 year old would draw with a crayon, I think this year's picture has the potential to beat last years.

Stand up for yourself, fight the good fight, vow to never shave again!

The worst is when you're looking at some hot ass porn online and you weren't even thinking about it but then you find this sick pic of this chick with a foot on her tit and your little man gets all excited and all of a sudden you just gotta go for it but your roommate's asleep right over there maybe if you're real quiet he won't notice but then you lose control and bust it in the middle of the floor and the tissues are right next to his head but you feel awkward going right over there in his face for him but then you see his eyes are actually open already and then he gets up and cleans it up for you and you feel like shit about it but you feel worse because you know it's going to happen again tomorrow.

Asshole tip of the day:
Wear a LOT of cologne.


Action dodgeball pic. brings back memories.

I thought 'The Passion' was alright as far as anti-semitism goes. I can't believe they actually killed him off in the end though! Personally, I'm waiting for the sequel, 'The Indifference of Christ.' It's sposed to be a doozy.

Hey everybody, I went through the links on my blog and tried to take off most of the ones that don't work anymore, if there's any more problems let me know. I'm also putting the new links at the top now instead of the bottom, to save you's guys more time. Yeah. Also, I recommend checking out salad fingers while sober please, except for the underage, pregnant, and elderly.

This is an actual problem from my Calculus 2 textbook this summer:
An especially prolific breed of rabbits has the growth term ky^1.01. If 2 such rabbits breed initially and the warren has 16 rabbits after three months, when is doomsday?

A real man never goes in reverse.

Jackass tip of the day:
Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

If you were a dictator and a guy made a crack about how you "put the dick back in dictator," I guess that guy would really have to go.

Apparently I now have the ability to put pictures straight into my blog like some kind of super power, so from here on out there shall once again be the 'Random Pic of the Day.'

"...Japan? That whole country is like Bizarro world. They do everything we do, just in a really strange way. It reminds me of that scene in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" where they go near Toontown, and you can see clouds of smoke and yelling and fighting and all sorts of haywire shit happening above the horizon to signify the complete and total lunacy of the place. Japan is just like that. The whole world continuously scratches its head at the far east, then sits back and watches to see what wacky thing the Japanese will do next. I mean, I'm sure the culture is swell once you get past all the incest and pedophilia and giant robots and all, but after that--huh? Japan is super crazy place, 100 PERCENT!"

If you enjoyed this, feel free to visit http://www.ishkur.com/music/# for other witty insights.

People keep asking if I'm going to vote for George Bush or John kerry or William Dafoe and I'm just all like c'mon guys, private ballot.

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